star wars the old republic d20 role play, what is your character's story?
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 Brett Zen'sha Application

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Rhett Zen'sha

Posts : 1
Experience : 0
Join date : 2017-04-25
Age : 41
Location : nc

Character Sheet
Health Points:
0/0  (0/0)
Shield Points:
0/0  (0/0)
Armor Percentage:
0/0  (0/0)

PostSubject: Brett Zen'sha Application   Wed 26 Apr - 19:26

Character Name: Brett Zen'sha
Faction: Republic
Specie: Zebrak
Gender: Male
Age: 30
Alignment: Light Side
Height: 6:5
Weight: 185
Eyes: Green
Hair: Brown
Skin: Tan
Physical Markings: Scar under right eye
Birthplace: Alderaan
Planned Base Class(es): Jedi Guardian
Planned Prestige Class(es):
Preferred Role: Leader
Personality: Friendly
Likes: Chocolate
Dislikes: Wampas
Gear: Reven Reborn Armor
Background Story: Brett Zen'sha is Rhett Zen'sha's brother he was born to parents who fled the Empire to Alderaan. he stoped the Empire from taking over he's home planet of Alderaan. He traveled to Taris to help rebuild the settlements but got interupted by an Empire attack. Where he had to send the Empire fleeing the planet. He went back to Alderaan for a break  from fighting.Then Satele Shan called him to go on top secret misson on Balmorra to stop the Empire from making a weapon that destroys Worlds.
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Pax Holocron

Posts : 780
Experience : 1006
Join date : 2016-12-07

Character Sheet
Health Points:
100/100  (100/100)
Shield Points:
75/100  (75/100)
Armor Percentage:
50/100  (50/100)

PostSubject: Re: Brett Zen'sha Application   Thu 27 Apr - 11:23


Okay you did not create your own application in a separate topic you simply replied to the guide. I split it and fixed it for you, but there are some things you need to address as I did not change information you provided. Simply click edit button to update and notify me with reply here or in our discord.

Character Name: Does not match your Account Name. Fix it in "My Character" button on the top.
Height: I don't know what 6:5 means but I guess its 6.5 feet aka 1.9 meter?
Weight: 185 pounds?
Planned Prestige Class(es): This field is empty I guess you are staying Jedi Guardian all 30 levels?

Gear: You cannot have items that are owned by NPCs, you cannot have Revan's, Malak's, Satele's, Bastila's, or any famous signature items. You cannot have their items you create your own character that is not written by a BioWare. Your character in RP is not the character BioWare sends on a story and sells Revan Reborn Armor. None of the in game characters and its items and its accomplishments belong to your RP character. That story is written by BioWare for us to play, they created characters for us to use, but here we create our own characters.

Background Story: Brett is brother to Rhett, and it ends here. We do not know who Rhett is and its made to sound important as we should know automatically. It is pointless to bring him into background story if there is nothing else to say. Who is Rhett? What was their relationship as they grew up, were they rivals? Did they like each other? Who is older or are they twins as their names suggest? And now here is something I was pleasantly surprised with, is that you used the lore from in game to address your character's background story BUT then you listed accomplishment of BioWare's character to be your own. Why did he get call from Satele? Was he in Jedi Order? What does he do? Creating a character that measures in galactic scales like this, that saves lives from world eaters is not a small feat and cannot be done with 6 sentences.

You do not have character sheet.

We can keep talking about your application here or reach me out via discord. You can also take a look at other applicants, they have short background stories but their characters are simple, they did not start as legends, they are ready to become legends.

EDIT: You never came back to me to work on app, this is now moved to denied applications.
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